Week of April 3, 2011

Friday was Dad's birthday!  Not that he reads this, but a very happy birthday to him!  I left a lovely rendition of the birthday song on his voicemail.  No wonder he hasn't called me back yet, hehe. 

Anywho.  Where am I this week?

Well, my eating is pretty good.  I started eating oatmeal everyday for breakfast and my IBS has significantly improved, alhamdulillah!  That's not to say that my stomach/bowels feel great, though.  But as I told my husband, I'm going to do whatever I can not to go back on meds for it.  I'm taking a boatload of Rx meds as is!!!  I know that it's IBS and not just some kind of stomach bug or bad reaction to something I'm eating, though, because BubNo.3 is having any trouble nursing.  His innards are working fine, alhamdulillah.  OH!!!  And I ate an ENTIRE fillet of fish for the first time in about 15 years, alhamdulillah!  I really dislike the taste and texture of fish in general, so I've been trying to find some kind of fish or recipe that I could eat (because fish is so healthy).  And I made it myself!  Tilapia with cumin, coriander, lots of chili powder and lime.  It wasn't the best food I've ever ate, but I ate it all and I won't mind making it again, alhamdulillah!

Exercise is going great!  I've been doing HIIT every day for about 20-30 minutes.  Today it was 40 minutes, because I got two new Jillian Michaels dvds and couldn't wait.  Besides...Saturday is my cheat day and I ate half a dozen homemade oatmeal/cranberry/almond/white chocolate cookies.....Anywho...I do need to get a pair of good cross training shoes.  I have an old ankle injury that's acting up, because of all of the jump training...The pair I want is $70 (on sale!) and I am REALLY hoping that my husband surprises me with them!!!  He specifically asked me what size shoe I wear (not a normal question from him), so there is at least a small chance...

My skin is looking a bit better...except for after exercising when I resemble a stop sign much more than either of my parents..........I've been making sure to use toner...something I leave out if I feel stressed about time.  And I applied a TCA peel to the areas where I'm pretty scarred.  It's only 15% and the scarred skin is pretty tough, so I figure I'll be able to apply another peel in about a month to six weeks, inshaAllah.

My girls have the 3 Qul pretty much memorized and need just a little tweaking.  They both already knew Fatihah and my older daughter knew ayat al Kursi and Ikhlas...but I'm glad she's learning Falaq and Nas, alhamdulilllah.

I've been making a lot of dua, too.  I really hope that it will be heard, inshaAllah.

Fi aman Allah.  

Week 1 Progress

I have not yet printed out the "Things I can do in one/ten minute(s)"  I hope to get to that today!  InshaAllah I don't forget!

I'm working on Surat al-Falaq and Surat an-Nas with the girls now.  We do it before bed (great time to do it anyway) after reading.  I still want to sit down and help Jayjay with her Arabic letters, inshaAllah. 

Something is helping me along my journey toward a healthier lifestyle...ironically.  It's IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) also known as spastic colitis.  It's rather unpleasant.  It's almost like having food poisoning sometimes.  Anywho.  I seem to react badly to sugars, including lactose.  So I'm avoiding them except in the form of fruit at the moment.  Fruits don't do quite so much damage as refined sugars do.  I suspect that wheat might also be a culprit, but I don't want to test that theory tooooo much at the moment.  I have made sure to stop eating after dinner.  Seems to be working.

The exercising is going well.  Another day, another workout.  I'm losing inches and pounds.  Honestly, the inches are more important to me, because I'd like to be able to fit back into my old clothes again instead of having to buy new things (such a waste!).  I'm having trouble deciding which of JM's dvds I'm going to get when the 30 day shred is done.  I'm learning toward No More Trouble Zones, because I've heard that it's quite a bit like the shred, just longer.  Burn Fat Boost Metabolism also strikes me as great, though, because it's supposedly more cardio ("Burn Fat").  Maybe I'll get both?  Allahu Alim.  At any rate, I'm still going. 

I still need to do the TCA peel.  Will do that tonight, inshaAllah.

Determination

Greetings...!

I hope that I'll be posting more often from now on.  Yeah, I know ya'll are thrilled...all 4 or 5 of you who MIGHT read this. 

The reason I want to post a little more is to keep myself moving along on the path I've set out for myself.  I'm determined to become the person I WANT to be, inshaAllah.  With Allah ta'ala's help, I can do anything, right?!  And as my dad (the old fart) keeps reminding me, I'm getting pretty close to 30.  Might as well start getting my life a little more organized and my routines under control.

High up on my list of priorities is my Iman.  Lately (meaning for quite some time now) it's been pretty low.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel guilty about my short-comings and I'm firm in my belief....but I could definately stand to develop more Taqwa!  I feel like a bit of a hypocrit, though, that I'm always having my kids say Bismillah and Alhamduillah and Ayat al-Kursi and Surat al-Fatiha when I could be doing a whole lot more myself.  One idea I have is to get a "Things you can do in one minute/ten minutes" and copy it into a pretty font and then frame it and put it up somewhere where I'll see it often. 

Another thing I've been concerned about is that I haven't been diligent enough with my kids.  My oldest is 5 and if she can memorize "The Cat in the Hat" and "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" then she can memorize a few suraat.  So far, she only knows Fatiha, Asr, Ikhlas and Ayat al-Kursi.  I'm going to have to get cracking.  She's the best reader in her class in English, too...so I KNOW that I should be working with her on the Arabic alphabet and simple Arabic words.  I might have to get my husband to help me translate a few simple books into standard Arabic.

I'm also working on aesthetic things.  Is it bad to want to make this dunya a little more comfortable?  I don't know.  But I'm trying to focus on getting healthy and keep in mind all of the positive reasons to get healthy for the sake of Allah ta'ala, not just for worldly reasons.  I know that the stomach is the worst vessel one can fill and I know that we should take care of our bodies, because they are blessings from Allah ta'ala.  I'm trying to concentrate on that....and not so much on the fact that I live in an area where the mean, median and average income is MUCH higher than my own and I'm surrounded by thin, rich women.  I'd rather not be the fat woman in the mumu who also covers her head.  Okay, so it's not that bad, but I'd still like to blend in a tiny little bit.  I stand out enough as it is. 

So I'm trying to eat better.  I've pretty much stopped eating red meat except for very rare occasions (maybe once every 2-3 months?).  I've raised my protein intake and cut down on simple carbs (I don't count them, though).  I've found that the healthier I eat, the more my stomach won't tolerate "unhealthy" foods (i.e. processed foods, especially those containing large amounts of sugar).  Today I was thinking that I'll do as I did after my first was born and stop eating at 7 p.m. each night (except for fruits and veggies).

I'm also exercising.  I started out walking after my son was born, because that was the only thing I was alloiwed to do.  I've now started exercising at home using Jillian Michaels dvds.  The woman is insane.  My love/hate relationship with her began a couple weeks ago and although I sometimes want to punch something because of her, I'm definately noticing results.  Soooo...I will be getting more of her dvds in the future, inshaAllah.  I'm also considering some of Jackie Warner's stuff.  I still have to dig out my stepper and elliptical from the garage.  We don't really have room for it, but I guess I'll just have to make room. 

My skin problems are immense.  Alhamdulillah I've got my dermatillomania under control.  I'd say I scratch 80% less than I did before.  The dermographism and neurodermatitis were big contributors to my problem and since I've started seeing a dermatologist, my skin is much better.  I've changed soaps, lotions and I'm taking anti-histamines once or twice a day.  Now, I just need to concentrate on the scars!  I'm going to start out with glycolic acid and tca peels with mederma cream in between peels.  I have a pretty bad reaction to salicylic acid (it inflames my skin!), but glycolic acid has been a lifesaver.  I can actually feel half-way comfortable about the way my face looks.  I've been using glycolic acid toner and creams for almost six months and my skin is clear with only two very small dark patches. 

So.  My goals for this week are: 

1.  Pray.  A lot. 
2.  Make dua.  A lot.
3.  Exercise everyday at least 20 minutes.
4.  Nothing except fruits and veggies after 7 p.m.
5.  TCA peel on my most heavily scarred areas

Spilt Milk

There are so many people who have come in and out of my life.  Tons.  Kind of strange considering how young I am.  Makes me wonder if it's me?  I just can't deal with certain things, I suppose. 

As a kid, I didn't have much choice.  If someone decides that they don't want to play with you, you go do something else with someone else...falling back on siblings if necessary. 

Now as an adult, it's been more difficult.  I've only had one good friend at a time.  Ever.  In high school, it was a girl with whom I spent hours in the local coffee shop.  But then money got involved when we took a trip abroad and she didn't pay my mother back (neither of us had a credit card the time and my mom was kind enough to offer).  It's been about seven or eight years now and I guess we won't be seeing that money ever again.  Oh well.  Besides, she was nice to talk to, but was a kind of "out of sight out of mind" person...and we went to different universities.  All I was good for was a place to sleep when she decided to come to my university town.  I dropped her.

Then, in college, there was a girl.  I still keep contact with her.  But the evenings wandering around and the weekend chinese take-out ended with college.  She lives in the same town as I do and I see her maybe once a year.  She's nice, but I guess we don't have much in common.

I had some really good aquaintances in Germany, but no good friends.  I don't miss many of them...  And the people that I wanted to be friends with scorned me.

Nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww.  Most recently, there was a girl I REALLY loved like a sister.  We were super close.  She came to me with her problems and I didn't mind telling her about mine.  I made a mistake in that friendship.  Friends are not really like sisters.  You cannot always speak your mind and be sure that they'll still be there.  I was tactless once after about a year and a half.  I didn't like the way some of her other friends behaved and the way they were influencing her.  I told her that...and I should have been kinder.  It's not that she stopped speaking to me exactly, but very long periods went by without word from her.  And when we did chat, it wasn't comfortable anymore.  We were probably both watching what we said.  She thinks I'm judgemental and I was hurt by how long she avoided us.  After about six months of not seeing her, I decided it'd be better to amputate.  My children were really confused and hurt, because "Khale" wasn't visiting.  I thought it better that they not have to go through it all again however much it hurt me.  They don't talk about her so much anymore and honestly, that's probably the best thing.  If I ever have contact with her again, I'll leave my children out of it.  It's not fair to them to have to lose someone they've learned to love so much.

It's been months now.  She's missed so much and I've missed her.  My pregnancy, the birth of my son, Jayjay's first day of school, etc.  I know a little of what's gone on in her life all these months, but I'm sure I've missed a lot, too.  But I know she's gone the way of her new friends and that she seems happy with that.

I don't form friendships easily.  I don't take people into my heart easily.  It took me almost two years just to get used to my husband.  But I really loved her and I feel like she's died.  I'm in mourning of our friendship.  I wrote her all those months ago and told her I was sorry and that I knew that the deterioration of our friendship was my fault.  She never wrote back.  Maybe that's one of the things that hurts most.  I let her in only to discover that one disagreement would be the end of our friendship.  It wasn't as strong as I thought.  She didn't think of me as I did of her. 

I made a mistake.

Habits I want to Cultivate

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

There are a few things I'd like to start doing.

Lay the cloth.  I'm looking for a nice table cloth.  Something casual.  I want to really set the table everytime we eat.  Including breakfast.

I want us to stop what we're doing when we eat.  Meal times should be shared with family and made pleasant.  No distractions.

We need to move more.  It's winter, but I think that on nicer days (when it's not too much below 32 degrees F) we should go for a walk.  Even if it's just to Walgreens and back.  On days when I can have the car, it'd probably be nice to take walks downtown.

That's all...

What is REALLY important? The little things.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Lately, I've been thinking about what is important to me. After Allah ta'ala, His Messanger, Islam, Family and Friends.

What is important?

Is it making friends? Being successful financially? Etc.?

Kind of. Not exactly.

I don't know that there is anything that is truly very important to me. The big things are important, but I literally don't care about much else.

I'm unapologetically passionate about my religion and I'm devoted to my family and friends...most of those friends having become family to me anyway. I don't care about a lot of people, including some family members...but those I am close to...well, they're a part of my life whether they like it or not. I hope they like it, hehe. I can think of one sister I've known about a year now...and honestly, I'm much closer to her than I am to either of my siblings. Alhamdulillah. MashaAllah. We just click that way.

But I DO care about what other people think of me. You wouldn't think it, when I'm walking through Walmart in my long clothes with my headscarf completely covering my assets. But I do my best to put forth a good appearance. To mesh at least a little with the crowd.

When I was a kid, I was always the strange one. My mother wasn't exactly the motherly type, so I've spent most of my life trying to learn what is socially acceptable. Things I didn't learn growing up. I've learned not to ask how much money something cost and how to give a good handshake. How to introduce aquaintances, etc. I spend time reading Emily Post and Amy Vanderbilt and GentleManners guides and I'm a member of a couple different forums that call for the return of ladylike manners.

And I've found that I don't mesh.

So lately, I've had a new goal. It goes along with manners and etiquette, but it takes it a step further. I'm trying to make other people feel comfortable in my presence. Not to be stuffy or overly formal, but to make sure that they enjoy the time they spend with me.

I've been trying this for about a year. I'll chat with a cashier while buying clothes and I'll even practice on my husband without his knowing it. I don't know whether I'm getting better, but I think I am. I went to class last night and realized that I'm afraid of people. That's my biggest hurdle. I can deal with one-on-ones, but my heart races when I'm forced to introduce myself in front of ten people...so that's something I need to deal with. I don't think I can make other people feel comfortable if I'm flipping out.

Next semester, I'll be taking more classes. This semester, it's just once a week that I actually have to be in a room of 20 people and make conversation and give intelligent answers. But I'm going to need practice. I'm not sure what it is that I'm going to do to get over my fears, but I'm certainly going to try. Maybe I need to volunteer for some kind of committee or something? Something that will force me to be in a group?

Fi aman Allah.

Mama's a student again

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I've started school again...I'm on my way to becoming a Medical Assistant...or at least having a technical certificate in that field.

The only thing I've discovered is that accounting disgusts me. It holds absolutely no interest for me and therefore it's going to be more difficult to get good grades in that class. The other classes are fine and I'm sure that I'll be okay, inshaAllah.

Soooooo I'm going to be pretty busy from now on. The online courses aren't any easier than taking classes...in fact they're probably more difficult, because I have to find a way to concentrate with the little muslimahs running around and playing and making mischief. In the last three days, I've spent about 10 hours studying--and only for one class.

Hopefully I'll be able to settle into a routine and organize my life a little more than it is currently. I think that my other courses are going to be quite a bit easier, but I'm still going to need a lot of effort and concentration.

Fi aman Allah!

Moving in with Dad again...

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I wrote a llllloooooonnnnnnnngggggggggg time ago about having to clean up my dad's place. Well...I did. At least most of it. I scrubbed and cleaned and sorted and tossed, etc. And I got most of the rooms done.

Last summer, I also finished cleaning up his extra bedroom.

The thing is........now that it's been a couple years it's almost as dirty/messy as ever. My dad just can't seem to get his act together...I feel like he's becoming a pack-rat.

The problem with this is that the kids and I want to move in with him next October. Soooooooo.........there's a lot of work to be done. Again.

Starting in March, big things are happening, inshaAllah.

I didn't get to tear down the walls and put up new ones, so that needs to be done. At least for two of the upstairs bedrooms. The kitchen needs a new ceiling....and the bathroom needs a new tub.

Those are the biggest problems. I won't go in too much about the garage roof or the outdated kitchen with the tar pit in the middle of the floor where my dad tried taking out the tiles years ago... As long as the big problems get taken care of, I'm sure I can get to the rest of it all in good time.

The thing is that I'm going to start working again. And I'm going back to school. InshaAllah I'll have enough time! I'm afraid I'm going to have to do everything on Saturdays when my dad is at work--because I think he's a little like me and can't stand to sit around while other people work.

Sooooooooo. Before we can move in, these things need to be accomplished:
--tear out walls upstairs and put up new drywall/sheetrock
--put in new tub or new tub surround

Things that would help:
--Put in a new ceiling in the kitchen
--Get electricity to my closet (my dad rewired last fall and hasn't quite finished everything). It's a big closet and it needs light. Maybe an outlet, too...

Things that I hope to accomplish in the (possibly) four years I'm to live with him:
--Take down ugly 70's wallpaper and replace with neutral paints
--Paint all of the moulding white white
--Paint all the doors either white or black
--Paint the ugly back stair wall panelling a creamy color
--Put in bookcases on the back landing
--Remodel bathroom--Home Depot
--Remodel kitchen--Ikea
--Etch glass on the front door and foyer window
--Replace door hardware on ALL the doors
--Refinish the wood floors downstairs and upstairs

That's quite a lot...there are other smaller things I'd like to do. For instance, the foyer closet is pretty big and there are two doors to it. One door in the foyer and the other in the dining room. I'd like to make the closet smaller and put a walk-through in. I'd pretty much just take the doors off of their hinges, take out the door hardware and put up new moulding fo finish it and make it look like that's the way it was meant to be.

With the big things, my brother is willing to help. InshaAllah it'll be fine. I'm sure he can also scavenge up some friends for times when two people just aren't enough for the job. My husband will help with the walls and with the things that he can before he leaves.

The house, as is, is pretty bad. But it's a 1903 house with a lot of potential. The rooms are large and there are a lot of them. Living room, family room, dining room, kitchen, pantry, three bedrooms, one bath and two staircases. The ceilings are high and the moulding is attractive, but not gaudy. The windows in the house are huge and since the front of the house faces North, the side of the house (which is longer than the front/back) catches both the morning and evening sunlight, mashaAllah.

I'm hoping that the benefits from me living with my dad don't all fall on my side. I really wish that I can be of some use to my dad. Honestly, I think that he just doesn't know where to begin. He lived with my mother for so long that he doesn't know anything else. InshaAllah I can take care of some of that. I think that my housework will be appreciated, inshaAllah.

Everyday is a Crisis.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

A lot of people know about Flylady. She's pretty popular...but for some reason the only thing I really do is the crisis cleaning. I don't like to do my cleaning in little spurts during the day. I prefer to get it all done at once and then relax!

So like I said, I do the crisis cleaning...just a little modified.

http://flylady.net/pages/FlyingLessons_crisiscleaning.asp

The only thing I really do differently is that I only take 10 minutes in the bathroom and I do 5 minutes in each bedroom putting away clothes and toys and making beds, etc.

I find that 15 minutes in the kitchen and 15 minutes in the living room allows me time for everything, because I don't do everything every day. If I vacuumed inside of the sofa and chairs one day, the next I'll probably be wiping down lamps and tables instead...

Before we go to bed, we do one more quick pick-up and my apartment stays looking half-way decent, mashaAllah. It's not pristine or sterile (like my husband wants), but I don't usually have a problem with drop-in guests.

Fi aman Allah!

Working Mama Muslimah

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I'm on my way to getting a job. My husband goes abroad in September to finish his degree...and I'll be at home with the girls. Well, not quite. I'm going to go live with my dad. InshaAllah it'll be okay.

Anyway...I'm going back to school. I'm going to try to get a technical certificate as a MA, inshaAllah. It'll take about three semesters, inshaAllah...but I'm going to start looking for jobs in April. InshaAllah I'll have something by May wa Allahu Alim!

I only want to work part-time. Preferably as a receptionist or administrative assistant. That way I'll still have time at home for the girls (and my husband will be able to take care of them while I'm at work) and time to study...

Anyway...I've been wearing Abaya for about four years now. The only time I don't wear it is when I'm working. So..................I've started a search for appropriate clothing. Long skirts, long-sleeved shirts/blouses, sheath dresses that I can wear over pants and blouses, etc....things that can be bought a little bigger as to conceal the body...long cardigans to cover up anything that might be a little too tight. You get the picture.

So far, here are a few of my favorites...

Metro Style has got some suits and blazers that look nice and don't cost a fortune:

Newport News is another website with pretty affordable, professional looking clothing that can made to suit a Muslimah's wardrobe:

EastEssence also has some nice sets...albeit my goal is to still look classy while being modest......not frumpy.

Fi aman Allah!

Raving

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I've been using the cold cream and witch hazel for long enough to start raving about it. I usually have some blemishes before and during a certain time of the month...but by my face, I can't tell that it's coming anymore. Really, I have quite blemish prone skin and I only have two blemishes on my face at the moment--which are easily covered by foundation (not even concealer!).

So here I am, proclaiming it! The cold cream and witch hazel is wonderful! My face is clean, I have very few (if any) blackheads anymore, my skin is supple, not dry. That and my make-up looks great on my face...it seems like my skin ton has evened out somehow! MashaAllah! I can't say enough about it!

Fi aman Allah!

Getting "Clean and Tidy"

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

My husband thinks I'm filthy. Not just messy. Not just untidy. He thinks I'm filthy.

I admit, I don't vacuum daily sometimes. I admit, I don't mop daily. I admit that I only clean the bathroom every other day....and the inbetween day will invariently leave some of my hair on the floor after I've brushed it out.

But I feel like my family and my happiness is more important that a house that is hygienically clean. And anyway, I don't want to live in a sterile environment...it's not healthy. Literally.

I think my husband gets it from his mother. She's the kind of person that washes the walls with soapy water and a huge brush about once a month. She squeegies her floors and vacuums daily. The countertops in the kitchen are cleaned many many times a day and the beds are ALWAYS made even after midday naps.

Now, I love my mother-in-law. She's a wonderful person and the clean stuff comes naturally to her. But it's kind of annoying. If I put anything down for two minutes, it might just be missing ("put away") by the time I come back for it. And I wouldn't dare leave anything sitting on top of a dresser or table...I'd never find it again after it had been "put away".

That's not exactly the kind of environment I want my kids to live in either. My husband grew up without toys. I'm not sure whether that was a result of my father-in-law thinking toys were kind of useless (I'm not sure if he thinks that way) or whether it was a result of my mother-in-law not wanting to deal with the mess. When I'm in Syria with my kids, they have toys...but a very select few that get stuffed into a bag and put back into a closet as soon as the kids are done playing.

In my home, there are *usually* toys on the floor. Our phones are usually lying around on a table. My daughters' bedroom is always in disarray and my own bedroom looks kind of undone by the middle of the afternoon after naptime. My books and my husband's books look fine in the bookcase, but I don't mind if my daughters just throw their own books onto the shelves in whatever order they please. I go through the bookcare about once every two weeks and organize it for them, but the rest of the time don't care.

But then, I don't think that I'm dirty or filthy. The dishes get done, the kitchen gets wiped, the stove and fridge get cleaned and the table gets cleared and wiped. The toys do get picked up at least once a day. There are clean clothes in the drawers and closets and there are dirty clothes in baskets. I vacuum under cushions and I dust tables and lamps. The toilet and tub get cleaned and the sink/vanity is almost always orderly.

Anyway, that's my little rant for the day.

Toodaloo.

Fi aman Allah.

Skin Care

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Since I've been married, I've gotten to be significantly more high maintenance than I used to be. I curl my hair, I wear make-up (almost) everyday, and I am very picky about the clothes I wear.

But only just recently have I found a skin care routine that works for me and makes my (sensitive, acne prone) skin look fabulous!

It's actually a vintage routine...so to speak. It's something that my grandmothers probably used. Maybe even great-grandmothers.

Anyway, it starts with Pond's Cold Cream. In the evening, I just slather it on, including my eyelids. Leave it on for between 30 secs and a minute, then I wipe it off with a *very* warm washcloth. Sometimes I do this twice if I'm wearing a lot of make-up.

The great part about Pond's is that it takes care of alllllll of my make-up. It even takes off waterproof mascara and 16 hour lipstick. It's great! Of course there's the added benefit that it literally dissolves my blackheads. I haven't seen a blackhead since I started using this, mashaAllah!....

Okay, the next thing I use is a toner. Right now, I'm using what's left of a bottle of Neutragena Clear Pore toner. I added some rose essential oil to it to make it smell better, but I'm going to switch to Thayer's witch hazel when the bottle is done.

It's old fashioned and smells wonderful, mashaAllah, and I know that witch hazel has done the trick for my skin in the past. Plus it has aloe vera in it, which has also did wonders for my skin when I was in high school.

The next product isn't so vintage. Although I remember my mother using Aveeno when I was a kid, I don't know how long it's been around. Certainly this moisturizer is pretty new.

I use Aveeno Ultra-Calming moisturizer with SPF 15. This stuff is truly unbelievable. I didn't have a bad reaction to this moisturizer and it really does sooth the redness in my face, mashaAllah (ah the joys of being pasty white-every little red mark shows up tooooo plainly).

I've been thinking about buying a vanishing cream for the evening, but until then, this works for me. I've heard good things about Boots vanishing cream. I've seen it at Target, but every time I decide put off buying it at another time. InshaAllah I'll be heading to Target in the near future, though, and I think it might just be on my list...That and the Rose skin tonic. And maybe the Body Cream... I'm a sucker for cute packaging...

Anyway the best part about this routine is how glamourous it makes me feel. It's not the typical everyday wash, tone, moisturize, but it gets the job done and it does it better than pretty much everything I've tried before for much cheaper, mashaAllah! It kind of gives me the feeling of an old silver screen star taking off her make-up or getting herself ready for the day.

This is one routine I hope to pass along to my daughters when they're old enough!

Fi aman Allah!

The vanity of youth

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Isn't it funny how we preen over our daughters? They end up wanting to be princesses or thinking that they are princesses by the time they're three or four...or younger...

My older daughter is four. She thinks she's a fairy. Not that she really knows what a fairy is...other than that it has wings and it's little and it's cute. So she's a fairy. Oki doki. Whatever. Of course she also thinks that she's a princess and she requires her loyal subjects to be very loyal subjects indeed. This goes for everything, but especially how she looks.

She only lets me pick out my clothes to give her final approval. She's like a little queen and I'm her lady in waiting.

Her curly hair must be VERY curly for her to okay it. She hates it when I brush the top down and just leave the curls on the ends. She tells me that she's not pretty anymore if I do that... This is a big point of contention between the two of us. It's hard to get her hair to look like I've combed it without some of the curls coming out. I've used mousse, gel and hairspray on her already just so that she comes out looking like her curls are premeditated and not just wild. One of the problems with this is that she has very slow growing hair...which she managed to cut off early last year. Her hair was very short. Very short.. It's almost shoulder length now, but with the curls, it comes to just below her ears. We're trying to let it grow out now and I hope that she doesn't decide to cut it off again. Last time she kept complaining about how she looked like a boy...

Then there's make-up and nail polish and pretty dresses, etc. She always wants pink. I don't know where that came from? She doesn't watch cartoons or television other than random classic movies, islamic cartoons, and a Adnan wa Lena. So it's not because of tv. Can she really get all of that from the toy aisles at Walmart? I just don't know. It's possible that girls are just meant to be girls. They seem to naturally gravitate towards all things girly. Which is alright by me.

I didn't find my inner girliness until after I was married. I thought that I was becoming girlier when I was in college, but then I always used to wear black and I cut my hair off, etc. The only thing that was really girlier about me was that I started wearing make-up and I kept trying to feel good in skirts (I didn't succeed with the latter).

After becoming Muslim, I started feeling better about being all dolled up and making myself look attractive. I guess the easiest part about it was that I was dressing up for my husband and (when I visited them) his family only. If I had visitors, they were usually accompanied by their husbands...so no make-up or cute clothes at those times. It's much easier to deal with only one person's opinion than with all of mankind. Call me sensitive, but I didn't want to imagine what other people thought of me or didn't think of me while passing by on the street. It made me nervous. So up until I became Muslim, my look was very natural. I never used anything other than taupes on my eyes and rosy browns or nudes on my lips. Blush was very sheer and mascara.......well...at least it looked like I had eyelashes when I used it, but I wasn't interested in really accentuating my eyes with it.

Now, I've been married almost six years. The only people who see me all full of make-up and dressed up nicely are family and close friends. I LOVE to look good. I love waking up and taking out curlers/rollers to have beautiful hair...I LOVE putting on my favorite eyeshadoes and making my eyes pop with mascara (I also use Lancome Cils Booster, no matter what mascara I use) and evening out my skin tone with real foundation. Don't get me wrong...I don't look like I'm wearing five pounds of make-up...but with red lipstick and pretty eye make-up you definately wouldn't say I was going for the natural look.

And these days, skirts and dresses make up the majority of clothes hanging in my closet. I've got some pretty galabiyyas and I have some cute pants...but I guess that I'm just more dressy these days.

I've started to dislike most things "fleece" and all things make out of sweatshirt material. I'm sure that if they're tailored correctly (there are some nice jackets at F21) they could be mildly attractive and put together...they're just not my kind of thing.

So maybe it's me that's wearing off on my daughter (and probably daughters)...I can't say I'm very much into pink, but I do have my own idiosyncracies about the way I dress and the way I look. I even got the contact lenses that you can wear continuously all month, because I don't like the way I look in glasses with hijab...I'm really horrible about taking out my contacts and used to leave them in far tooooooo long.

I hope that I'm not giving my daughters the wrong impression, though. I try to be healthy...and I hope I'm making it clear to them that I only make myself up, because it makes me feel good. It's not something that I do for other people. They must know this, because when I do out, I'm covered nearly from head to toe without make-up or frills. I do not choose to allow random strangers to judge me based on the current beauty ideal. But as unimportant as it is what strangers might think about the way I look, I want them to know that it's important to look nice for the people we love. Our families and our friends. It shows respect.

An example. If a wife/mother/daughter doesn't make herself look nice at home, what does it say? If she's not sick or exhausted from something unusual...that not only is she herself not worth putting out the effort to make herself look nice, but that her family isn't worth her making the effort either.

So as an end to this rambling, I guess I'll say that it's okay that my daughter thinks she's a princess and a fairy. It's okay for her to have certain expectations about the way she looks. At least it shows that she cares.

Fi aman Allah.

Good old-fashioned fun

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time preoccupied with the way I look. Sounds bad, huh? I don't think so, though. I'm married with two kids, mashaAllah...and I think it's important to keep up my looks for a couple reasons. The first is that I don't want to feel like I'm letting myself go. If I'm wearing my flannel pj bottoms at 2 PM and haven't combed my hair yet...I don't feel very good about myself. My second is that I've been married just shy of 6 years and I want to keep my husband's interest. Now, we're both heavier than we were when we married...and we both have more responsibility...and I know that my husband doesn't look at other women (the women that most men would look at, my husband finds kind of disgusting)...so............I exercise and I wear nice things and I just try to take care of myself in general.

I know that nobody really cares, but I'm going to share a few of my favorite things.

I usually start with Ivory. This stuff smells great. I don't usually like the smell of soaps. Soaps today don't smell like soap anymore. They have the fresh scents and they have the fruity scents....whatever happened to the soap scent? Anyway. I like Ivory, because I like stepping out o the shower smelling clean.

Almay Ultra-Calming moisturizer is great. I have a lot of red undertones and I'm prone to acne, so this helps tons.

I like this. I really wish I had flawless skin. I'm not ashy and my skin isn't uneven...but I have a lot of large pores around my nose. This takes care of that pretty well...

Almay Clear Complexion make-up. This is the best make-up I've ever tried. I use it almost everyday and it's one of the few that doesn't cause me to break out immediately. I can't even tell that I'm wearing any make-up when I put this on.

Pixi cheek gel. I love this. It looks very natural, mashaAllah.

Of course Superstay lipcolor is awesome. I just have to be careful not to wear it during the day...I'm not sure that you can make wudu with it on...because no water can reach the lips. Of course, I wish I had evidence to the contrary...but oh well.

Revlon Color Stay Liqid Liner. This is one of my all-time favorites. I have thin, blond, short eyelashes. This helps in all kinds of ways. I find that I don't even need to wear mascara if I put this on. It's great!

Lancome Hypnose...The waterproof kind. But I still need mascara if I want to have dramatic look. This is the best mascara I've ever tried. I think that it looks even better if I use Lancome's white mascara base, but it works well even on its own.

Of course, I also have perfumes and lotions and all kinds of wonderful things, but these are the things that make me look half-way decent everyday.

More Tomato Staking

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh!

Ah tomato staking!

Alhamdulillah it seems to be going well. I don't have to swat her behind as much, she comes to me when I tell her, doesn't always ask "Why?!" when I request her to do something, and she doesn't seem nearly as whiny as she did before, alhamdulillah.

My friend who suggested this approach is thrilled with the results so far. She says that there is a positive difference already, mashaAllah!

I'll be honest, I do see a difference, too, mashaAllah. And with the behavioral improvements, I see improvements that are even more important to me, alhamdulillah!

She is memorizing Qur'an, mashaAllah. She actually prays with us. Most of the time we leave the apartment, she insists that she cover her head, because "Allah wants her to." She helps me clean up, she plays with her sister when I tell her she should, she gives Salams, she remembers to say bismillah and alhamdulillah during meals and she says dua and recites Qur'an at bedtime.

MashaAllah! Alhamdulillah for everything!

All this isn't exactly new, but it has become MUCH more regular, alhamdulillah.

So as I'm finding this approach working for me, I'm also slowly making other changes in Jayjay's life.

Up until now, I've pretty much let her determine her own eating schedule and alhamdulillah she's in the 75th percentile on the growth chart, so it's worked for her...but she's at an age, where she should start having a regular routine.....sooooo..............she gets three meals a day, plus two or three snacks now....

And she is starting to sleep in her own bedroom. Alhamdulillah she is so proud of herself in the morning...but she was a co-sleeping baby for a long time, and has trouble falling asleep. She likes to scream a lot...Alhamdulillah she only screamed for ten minutes last night before she fell asleep on her dishak (she didn't want to sleep in her bed for some reason)...I see this as a huge improvement, though, alhamdulillah!

Oh Allah! Grant us obedient children who submit themselves to You with confidence! Ameen! Oh Allah! Give us the strength to do that which is best for our children in this life and in the next! Ameen! Oh Allah! Grant my children everlasting iman; guide them on Your straight path; and make them obedient to You and the teaching of Your prophet! Ameen!

SallAllahu ala Sayyidana Mohammad!

Fi aman Allah,

UmmJayjaat

Cleanliness is a part of our religion.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I'm just soooo tired.

Sometimes I think that my husband has OCD about cleaning. Okay, maybe not about HIM cleaning...more about things being clean. Which means me cleaning.

I'll be honest, it's tiring. Not so much the cleaning, because I'm not horrible messy or dirty. In fact, I think I'm pretty average as far as that goes. It's the comments...

"When was the last time you vacuumed under the sofa cushions?" as he looks on disdainfully after pulling one of the cushions on said sofa.

"When was the last time you clipped the girls' fingernails???"

"Did you vacuum under the sofa? Why is there a toy under the chair?"

"Look at Jayjay! Look at her shirt! Doesn't she have any clean clothes?"

"Do you call that clean???"

"I thought you wanted to clean the bathroom?"

It's getting to me.

I used to have a pretty elaborate routine and my husband seemed to be satisfied. Then I went to the hospital to be treated for chronic severe depression and I've been slacking off pretty much since. Now given, I don't let it get to the point, where I couldn't invite people over...but sometimes I need 20 minutes to tidy up and wipe down the kitchen table...

Fi aman Allah!

UmmJayjay

Staking Tomatoes

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

"Fundamentalist" Christians and "practicing" Muslims seem to have a lot in common, mashaAllah, other than the whole Jesus alaihi sallam thing...

Recently, my family has become closer to a menonnite family, because their daily lives are much more similar to ours...even more so than most of the Muslims we know, subhanAllah.

Anywho.........a friend of mine (who is Muslim, mashaAllah, but used to be VERY Christian) refferred me to a website called "Raising Godly Tomatoes". Essentially, it advocates a certain way of child rearing where there is only one important principle: Teach your children OBEDIENCE. This woman advocates keeping your children close virtually 100% of the time and nipping any defiance in the bud. Of course that doesn't mean tyrany...just making sure your child knows that you have rights over him/her.

I've been looking over the website and thinking that I can apply a lot of it to the way I'd like to raise my own children, because even more for their sake than for mine, I want them to keep in mind this oft quoted hadith:

Bukhari

Book 032, Number 6180:
Abu Huraira reported that a person came to Allah, 's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father. In the hadith transmitted on the authority of Qutalba, there is no mention of the word" the people".

My girls (and inshaAllah future children) need to obey their father and me. Especially me, hehe. But seriously...if they can't convince them to obey me, how can I convince them to obey Allah ta'ala???

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now the friend of mine who recommended this site, did so because I've been having a lot of behavioral problems with Jayjay. MashaAllah she's a bright, active girl, but she's also stubborn and prone to tantrums. She also jumps on people of whom she's fond. Literally. And sometimes painfully. She doesn't like it when she doesn't get her own way. And that's putting it mildly.

I've tried time-outs.

She thinks it's funny. Obviously that's not going to work.

I've tried spanking (gently, inshaAllah!).

She laughs. Or she gets upset and sticks her nose and chin up in the air with an attitude of "How DARE you?!?"

Sooooooooooooo.............................as my friend says, consistency is key.

I'm being consistent, inshaAllah. EVERY little show of defiance against my will is taken into account and we don't go anywhere until she obeys me. And so far it's not going badly at all, mashaAllah!!! I've had to resort to swatting her behind, but I've only "spanked" twice. I test it every now and then by having her do something she usually doesn't like doing...and I think we're getting there, inshaAllah! Alhamdulillah for everything. I'll have to test it when my friend visits again...but if Jayjay doesn't behave, she'll have to go to her room, because I'm not going to let her get away with her behavior anymore, inshaAllah. Even for a child of her age, it's not appropriate.

Fi aman Allah!

UmmBintayn

Food for thought:

From the Noble Qur'an:

002.083 YUSUFALI: And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).

004.036 YUSUFALI: Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;-

006.151 YUSUFALI: Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

017.023 YUSUFALI: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

029.008 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

031.014 YUSUFALI: And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

046.015 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

Sahih Bukhari

Volume 1, Book 10, Number 505:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
I asked the Prophet "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, 'To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more."

Volume 4, Book 52, Number 41:
Narrated Abdullah bin Masud:
I asked Allah's Apostle, "O Allah's Apostle! What is the best deed?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, what is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause." I did not ask Allah's Apostle anymore and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 1:
Narrated Al-Walid bin 'Aizar:
I heard Abi Amr 'Ash-Shaibani saying, "The owner of this house." he pointed to 'Abdullah's house, "said, 'I asked the Prophet 'Which deed is loved most by Allah?" He replied, 'To offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times.' " 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, "To be good and dutiful to one's parents," 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah's Cause." 'Abdullah added, "The Prophet narrated to me these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more."

Volume 9, Book 93, Number 625:
Narrated Ibn Mas'ud:
A man asked the Prophet "What deeds are the best?" The Prophet said: (1) To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, (2) To be good and dutiful to one's own parents. (3) and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."

I've been bitten

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I'm going insane.

I want to spray paint anything and everything!

It's making me crazy.

Ever since I found out that I can get spray paint at Walmart for 96 cents, I've been making a list of all of the things I want to do with it...

Given, the colors are very basic, but I only really need black and white anyway...for any accents, arcrylic paints are also cheap, mashaAllah...

So far, I've only gotten Jayjay's headboard (1.75 cans) and the closet door knobs (negligable amount) painted...but I'll be going back very soon for some matte black to paint the knobs on the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, inshaAllah...

I think I'll also add some spray primer to my arsenal...then maybe I can get at the door knobs?

Some matte white would lighten up the light fixture in the bathroom...

Jayjay still has a dresser that matched her bed...inshaAllah I'll get that done...and when I get her bookcase and night table over here, those will have to be painted too, inshaAllah. Her bed is now black with some lavender dots as accents...inshaAllah I'll paint the bookcase just the same and use it as the foot of her bed. I think I'll paint her night table and dresser red with lavender dots, inshaAllah...???

There are soooooooooo many possibilities, subhanAllah........

InshaAllah I'll make them happen!

Fi aman Allah!

Fitness, anyone?

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am working to lose the weight that I gained in my last pregnancy. And it's tough. Not TOO tough, but it's something that I know will take months and months... I hope to be at my goal weight by the end of this year...

That's what happens when I go and gain 60 lbs during pregnancy.

At the moment, I'm exercising everyday...sometimes it's only 10 minutes, but I have to do something to make me sweat, because in addition to helping me lose weight, doing "vigorous" exercise seems to help my mood even more than my antidepressants...so..........................like I wrote, I'm exercising daily...

I'm also trying to eat better. That's a little tough sometimes having a family, especially a husband, with less than exemplary eating habits. Now, my husband IS trying to be healthier, he just isn't quite so determined as I an, I guess...but then he doesn't have the vanity of a woman to fight with either. And he's losing a little weight, too, mashaAllah...just much slower.

The last few weeks, I let things slip a little and while I didn't gain weight, I wasn't losing either...so I'm happy today that I've lost another pound...because it makes me feel like the efforts are worth it...