Determination

Greetings...!

I hope that I'll be posting more often from now on.  Yeah, I know ya'll are thrilled...all 4 or 5 of you who MIGHT read this. 

The reason I want to post a little more is to keep myself moving along on the path I've set out for myself.  I'm determined to become the person I WANT to be, inshaAllah.  With Allah ta'ala's help, I can do anything, right?!  And as my dad (the old fart) keeps reminding me, I'm getting pretty close to 30.  Might as well start getting my life a little more organized and my routines under control.

High up on my list of priorities is my Iman.  Lately (meaning for quite some time now) it's been pretty low.  Don't get me wrong, I still feel guilty about my short-comings and I'm firm in my belief....but I could definately stand to develop more Taqwa!  I feel like a bit of a hypocrit, though, that I'm always having my kids say Bismillah and Alhamduillah and Ayat al-Kursi and Surat al-Fatiha when I could be doing a whole lot more myself.  One idea I have is to get a "Things you can do in one minute/ten minutes" and copy it into a pretty font and then frame it and put it up somewhere where I'll see it often. 

Another thing I've been concerned about is that I haven't been diligent enough with my kids.  My oldest is 5 and if she can memorize "The Cat in the Hat" and "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish" then she can memorize a few suraat.  So far, she only knows Fatiha, Asr, Ikhlas and Ayat al-Kursi.  I'm going to have to get cracking.  She's the best reader in her class in English, too...so I KNOW that I should be working with her on the Arabic alphabet and simple Arabic words.  I might have to get my husband to help me translate a few simple books into standard Arabic.

I'm also working on aesthetic things.  Is it bad to want to make this dunya a little more comfortable?  I don't know.  But I'm trying to focus on getting healthy and keep in mind all of the positive reasons to get healthy for the sake of Allah ta'ala, not just for worldly reasons.  I know that the stomach is the worst vessel one can fill and I know that we should take care of our bodies, because they are blessings from Allah ta'ala.  I'm trying to concentrate on that....and not so much on the fact that I live in an area where the mean, median and average income is MUCH higher than my own and I'm surrounded by thin, rich women.  I'd rather not be the fat woman in the mumu who also covers her head.  Okay, so it's not that bad, but I'd still like to blend in a tiny little bit.  I stand out enough as it is. 

So I'm trying to eat better.  I've pretty much stopped eating red meat except for very rare occasions (maybe once every 2-3 months?).  I've raised my protein intake and cut down on simple carbs (I don't count them, though).  I've found that the healthier I eat, the more my stomach won't tolerate "unhealthy" foods (i.e. processed foods, especially those containing large amounts of sugar).  Today I was thinking that I'll do as I did after my first was born and stop eating at 7 p.m. each night (except for fruits and veggies).

I'm also exercising.  I started out walking after my son was born, because that was the only thing I was alloiwed to do.  I've now started exercising at home using Jillian Michaels dvds.  The woman is insane.  My love/hate relationship with her began a couple weeks ago and although I sometimes want to punch something because of her, I'm definately noticing results.  Soooo...I will be getting more of her dvds in the future, inshaAllah.  I'm also considering some of Jackie Warner's stuff.  I still have to dig out my stepper and elliptical from the garage.  We don't really have room for it, but I guess I'll just have to make room. 

My skin problems are immense.  Alhamdulillah I've got my dermatillomania under control.  I'd say I scratch 80% less than I did before.  The dermographism and neurodermatitis were big contributors to my problem and since I've started seeing a dermatologist, my skin is much better.  I've changed soaps, lotions and I'm taking anti-histamines once or twice a day.  Now, I just need to concentrate on the scars!  I'm going to start out with glycolic acid and tca peels with mederma cream in between peels.  I have a pretty bad reaction to salicylic acid (it inflames my skin!), but glycolic acid has been a lifesaver.  I can actually feel half-way comfortable about the way my face looks.  I've been using glycolic acid toner and creams for almost six months and my skin is clear with only two very small dark patches. 

So.  My goals for this week are: 

1.  Pray.  A lot. 
2.  Make dua.  A lot.
3.  Exercise everyday at least 20 minutes.
4.  Nothing except fruits and veggies after 7 p.m.
5.  TCA peel on my most heavily scarred areas