Staking Tomatoes

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

"Fundamentalist" Christians and "practicing" Muslims seem to have a lot in common, mashaAllah, other than the whole Jesus alaihi sallam thing...

Recently, my family has become closer to a menonnite family, because their daily lives are much more similar to ours...even more so than most of the Muslims we know, subhanAllah.

Anywho.........a friend of mine (who is Muslim, mashaAllah, but used to be VERY Christian) refferred me to a website called "Raising Godly Tomatoes". Essentially, it advocates a certain way of child rearing where there is only one important principle: Teach your children OBEDIENCE. This woman advocates keeping your children close virtually 100% of the time and nipping any defiance in the bud. Of course that doesn't mean tyrany...just making sure your child knows that you have rights over him/her.

I've been looking over the website and thinking that I can apply a lot of it to the way I'd like to raise my own children, because even more for their sake than for mine, I want them to keep in mind this oft quoted hadith:

Bukhari

Book 032, Number 6180:
Abu Huraira reported that a person came to Allah, 's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father. In the hadith transmitted on the authority of Qutalba, there is no mention of the word" the people".

My girls (and inshaAllah future children) need to obey their father and me. Especially me, hehe. But seriously...if they can't convince them to obey me, how can I convince them to obey Allah ta'ala???

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now the friend of mine who recommended this site, did so because I've been having a lot of behavioral problems with Jayjay. MashaAllah she's a bright, active girl, but she's also stubborn and prone to tantrums. She also jumps on people of whom she's fond. Literally. And sometimes painfully. She doesn't like it when she doesn't get her own way. And that's putting it mildly.

I've tried time-outs.

She thinks it's funny. Obviously that's not going to work.

I've tried spanking (gently, inshaAllah!).

She laughs. Or she gets upset and sticks her nose and chin up in the air with an attitude of "How DARE you?!?"

Sooooooooooooo.............................as my friend says, consistency is key.

I'm being consistent, inshaAllah. EVERY little show of defiance against my will is taken into account and we don't go anywhere until she obeys me. And so far it's not going badly at all, mashaAllah!!! I've had to resort to swatting her behind, but I've only "spanked" twice. I test it every now and then by having her do something she usually doesn't like doing...and I think we're getting there, inshaAllah! Alhamdulillah for everything. I'll have to test it when my friend visits again...but if Jayjay doesn't behave, she'll have to go to her room, because I'm not going to let her get away with her behavior anymore, inshaAllah. Even for a child of her age, it's not appropriate.

Fi aman Allah!

UmmBintayn

Food for thought:

From the Noble Qur'an:

002.083 YUSUFALI: And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).

004.036 YUSUFALI: Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;-

006.151 YUSUFALI: Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

017.023 YUSUFALI: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

029.008 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

031.014 YUSUFALI: And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

046.015 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

Sahih Bukhari

Volume 1, Book 10, Number 505:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
I asked the Prophet "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, 'To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more."

Volume 4, Book 52, Number 41:
Narrated Abdullah bin Masud:
I asked Allah's Apostle, "O Allah's Apostle! What is the best deed?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, what is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause." I did not ask Allah's Apostle anymore and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 1:
Narrated Al-Walid bin 'Aizar:
I heard Abi Amr 'Ash-Shaibani saying, "The owner of this house." he pointed to 'Abdullah's house, "said, 'I asked the Prophet 'Which deed is loved most by Allah?" He replied, 'To offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times.' " 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, "To be good and dutiful to one's parents," 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah's Cause." 'Abdullah added, "The Prophet narrated to me these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more."

Volume 9, Book 93, Number 625:
Narrated Ibn Mas'ud:
A man asked the Prophet "What deeds are the best?" The Prophet said: (1) To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, (2) To be good and dutiful to one's own parents. (3) and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."