Cleanliness is a part of our religion.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I'm just soooo tired.

Sometimes I think that my husband has OCD about cleaning. Okay, maybe not about HIM cleaning...more about things being clean. Which means me cleaning.

I'll be honest, it's tiring. Not so much the cleaning, because I'm not horrible messy or dirty. In fact, I think I'm pretty average as far as that goes. It's the comments...

"When was the last time you vacuumed under the sofa cushions?" as he looks on disdainfully after pulling one of the cushions on said sofa.

"When was the last time you clipped the girls' fingernails???"

"Did you vacuum under the sofa? Why is there a toy under the chair?"

"Look at Jayjay! Look at her shirt! Doesn't she have any clean clothes?"

"Do you call that clean???"

"I thought you wanted to clean the bathroom?"

It's getting to me.

I used to have a pretty elaborate routine and my husband seemed to be satisfied. Then I went to the hospital to be treated for chronic severe depression and I've been slacking off pretty much since. Now given, I don't let it get to the point, where I couldn't invite people over...but sometimes I need 20 minutes to tidy up and wipe down the kitchen table...

Fi aman Allah!

UmmJayjay

Staking Tomatoes

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

"Fundamentalist" Christians and "practicing" Muslims seem to have a lot in common, mashaAllah, other than the whole Jesus alaihi sallam thing...

Recently, my family has become closer to a menonnite family, because their daily lives are much more similar to ours...even more so than most of the Muslims we know, subhanAllah.

Anywho.........a friend of mine (who is Muslim, mashaAllah, but used to be VERY Christian) refferred me to a website called "Raising Godly Tomatoes". Essentially, it advocates a certain way of child rearing where there is only one important principle: Teach your children OBEDIENCE. This woman advocates keeping your children close virtually 100% of the time and nipping any defiance in the bud. Of course that doesn't mean tyrany...just making sure your child knows that you have rights over him/her.

I've been looking over the website and thinking that I can apply a lot of it to the way I'd like to raise my own children, because even more for their sake than for mine, I want them to keep in mind this oft quoted hadith:

Bukhari

Book 032, Number 6180:
Abu Huraira reported that a person came to Allah, 's Messenger (may peace be upon him) and said: Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father. In the hadith transmitted on the authority of Qutalba, there is no mention of the word" the people".

My girls (and inshaAllah future children) need to obey their father and me. Especially me, hehe. But seriously...if they can't convince them to obey me, how can I convince them to obey Allah ta'ala???

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now the friend of mine who recommended this site, did so because I've been having a lot of behavioral problems with Jayjay. MashaAllah she's a bright, active girl, but she's also stubborn and prone to tantrums. She also jumps on people of whom she's fond. Literally. And sometimes painfully. She doesn't like it when she doesn't get her own way. And that's putting it mildly.

I've tried time-outs.

She thinks it's funny. Obviously that's not going to work.

I've tried spanking (gently, inshaAllah!).

She laughs. Or she gets upset and sticks her nose and chin up in the air with an attitude of "How DARE you?!?"

Sooooooooooooo.............................as my friend says, consistency is key.

I'm being consistent, inshaAllah. EVERY little show of defiance against my will is taken into account and we don't go anywhere until she obeys me. And so far it's not going badly at all, mashaAllah!!! I've had to resort to swatting her behind, but I've only "spanked" twice. I test it every now and then by having her do something she usually doesn't like doing...and I think we're getting there, inshaAllah! Alhamdulillah for everything. I'll have to test it when my friend visits again...but if Jayjay doesn't behave, she'll have to go to her room, because I'm not going to let her get away with her behavior anymore, inshaAllah. Even for a child of her age, it's not appropriate.

Fi aman Allah!

UmmBintayn

Food for thought:

From the Noble Qur'an:

002.083 YUSUFALI: And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but Allah; treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).

004.036 YUSUFALI: Serve Allah, and join not any partners with Him; and do good- to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours who are strangers, the companion by your side, the wayfarer (ye meet), and what your right hands possess: For Allah loveth not the arrogant, the vainglorious;-

006.151 YUSUFALI: Say: "Come, I will rehearse what Allah hath (really) prohibited you from": Join not anything as equal with Him; be good to your parents; kill not your children on a plea of want;- We provide sustenance for you and for them;- come not nigh to shameful deeds. Whether open or secret; take not life, which Allah hath made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus doth He command you, that ye may learn wisdom.

017.023 YUSUFALI: Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour.

029.008 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did.

031.014 YUSUFALI: And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command), "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

046.015 YUSUFALI: We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, "O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam."

Sahih Bukhari

Volume 1, Book 10, Number 505:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
I asked the Prophet "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, 'To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more."

Volume 4, Book 52, Number 41:
Narrated Abdullah bin Masud:
I asked Allah's Apostle, "O Allah's Apostle! What is the best deed?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is next in goodness?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents." I further asked, what is next in goodness?" He replied, "To participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause." I did not ask Allah's Apostle anymore and if I had asked him more, he would have told me more.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 1:
Narrated Al-Walid bin 'Aizar:
I heard Abi Amr 'Ash-Shaibani saying, "The owner of this house." he pointed to 'Abdullah's house, "said, 'I asked the Prophet 'Which deed is loved most by Allah?" He replied, 'To offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times.' " 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, "To be good and dutiful to one's parents," 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah's Cause." 'Abdullah added, "The Prophet narrated to me these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more."

Volume 9, Book 93, Number 625:
Narrated Ibn Mas'ud:
A man asked the Prophet "What deeds are the best?" The Prophet said: (1) To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, (2) To be good and dutiful to one's own parents. (3) and to participate in Jihad in Allah's Cause."

I've been bitten

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I'm going insane.

I want to spray paint anything and everything!

It's making me crazy.

Ever since I found out that I can get spray paint at Walmart for 96 cents, I've been making a list of all of the things I want to do with it...

Given, the colors are very basic, but I only really need black and white anyway...for any accents, arcrylic paints are also cheap, mashaAllah...

So far, I've only gotten Jayjay's headboard (1.75 cans) and the closet door knobs (negligable amount) painted...but I'll be going back very soon for some matte black to paint the knobs on the kitchen and bathroom cabinets, inshaAllah...

I think I'll also add some spray primer to my arsenal...then maybe I can get at the door knobs?

Some matte white would lighten up the light fixture in the bathroom...

Jayjay still has a dresser that matched her bed...inshaAllah I'll get that done...and when I get her bookcase and night table over here, those will have to be painted too, inshaAllah. Her bed is now black with some lavender dots as accents...inshaAllah I'll paint the bookcase just the same and use it as the foot of her bed. I think I'll paint her night table and dresser red with lavender dots, inshaAllah...???

There are soooooooooo many possibilities, subhanAllah........

InshaAllah I'll make them happen!

Fi aman Allah!

Fitness, anyone?

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I am working to lose the weight that I gained in my last pregnancy. And it's tough. Not TOO tough, but it's something that I know will take months and months... I hope to be at my goal weight by the end of this year...

That's what happens when I go and gain 60 lbs during pregnancy.

At the moment, I'm exercising everyday...sometimes it's only 10 minutes, but I have to do something to make me sweat, because in addition to helping me lose weight, doing "vigorous" exercise seems to help my mood even more than my antidepressants...so..........................like I wrote, I'm exercising daily...

I'm also trying to eat better. That's a little tough sometimes having a family, especially a husband, with less than exemplary eating habits. Now, my husband IS trying to be healthier, he just isn't quite so determined as I an, I guess...but then he doesn't have the vanity of a woman to fight with either. And he's losing a little weight, too, mashaAllah...just much slower.

The last few weeks, I let things slip a little and while I didn't gain weight, I wasn't losing either...so I'm happy today that I've lost another pound...because it makes me feel like the efforts are worth it...

Baubbles

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

My dad just got back from a two week trip to Japan. Alhamdulillah he had a great time and he got to do and see everything there that he had planned. Of course it wasn't too hard, because he was traveling with only two other people (and two people that he knows and with whom enjoys spending time).



I pray and hope that someday my father will come to Islam. There is a lot that he doesn't understand, but he's certainly very tolerant, alhamdulillah. He doesn't quite get why I wear hijab (headscarf and abaya/jilbab), but he respects my decisions and he knows that my life is much more content now than it was a few years ago before I became Muslim, alhamdulillah.

May Allah ta'ala guide him to the straight path. Ameen.

Anywho....................he got some very pretty trinkets for my girls from Kamakura, mashaAllah. Two pretty pearl and silver necklaces. Jayjay wanted to wear her necklace right away, but took it off again. I think she likes looking at it more than wearing it, hehe. They are really very cute and simple, mashaAllah (my dad said he wanted something delicate enough for young girls to wear, mashaAllah).

I am so happy he's back, alhamdulillah. I'm pleased he had such a good time, but all the same, it's wonderful to have him home. He's one of the few people who really understands me. He knows how to adjust to my moods so well, subhanAllah, and he will never say anything he thinks may hurt me. InshaAllah I can be there to support him the way that he has supported me.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

One of the funnier things I've heard lately is "Why should a woman who covers herself from head to toe care about what she looks like?"

Okay. It's not that funny. It's actually a little insulting and dehumanizing.

We are hijabis. But are we not human beings as well? Are we not women?

We want to look good, if not for the sake of Allah or our own sakes, then also for the sakes of our loved ones.

No woman wants to be found unattractive by her husband. No woman wants to look in the mirror and reflect on how she has let herself go.

As Muslimahs and hijabis, there are reasons all over the web in favor of covering ourselves...and a lot of helpful tips on how to discuss hijab with non-muslims. One of the most popular explanations goes thus:

So many women (non-muslims and muslims alike) get themselves dressed and made-up to go out to work/the store/anywhere but home...and when they come home, they put on their pj's and wipe their faces clean and put their hair into a ponytail or bun all in the name of comfort. And they do this in front of their husband's and children. But logically, since these same women would place their families much higher on the list of priorities than some stranger that might see them at the 7-11, shouldn't they put a little more effort into how they appear before their dear ones than how they might appear elsewhere?

It might seem quaint to try and be your best at home and for your family. It might seem unreasonable to expect a woman to give up her comfy pj's for something more attractive. It might seem as though family and spouse should accept you just as you are...

But who said that attractive clothes can't be comfortable? And your spouse may accept you for who you are, frump and all, but shouldn't you at least TRY to please him? You could always replace those frumpy sweats with a pretty jersey nightgown you know....

So..........................................................

Yes, although I cover myself from head to toe, I still worry and care about the way I look. If for no other reason than that I want my family to know that I respect them enough to look good for them and to teach my daughters that it's important to take care of yourself as well as others.

Oh what a beautiful morning

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu,

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Jayjay and Jayjiay (Jayjay's little sister) are doing great, mashaAllah.

We've decided to have Jayjay start preschool instead of 4K this fall, inshaAllah. Although she seems to be ready for school (she knows her alphabet and can read some easy words, she can write the alphabet and some easy words, her language skill are great, she can draw a little, she follows stories well, etc.), we have some doubts about her behavior. We're not sure whether she will be calmer around other children/in a school environment, but we want to make sure that she doesn't have ADHD before she starts school, inshaAllah. That would be the worst case scenario, but she's a VERY energetic child. She's not afraid of anything, subhanAllah, and she's always getting into something...

I feel as though I should be spending more time with Jayjay since her little sister was born. She could probably learn a lot more quickly if I would just take the time. Allahu Alim.

Her little sister is developing perfectly, alhamdulillah. She's learning to crawl, babbling and doing all the things a baby her age does, mashaAllah.

May Allah ta'ala protect my children, guide them, and keep them on the straight path. Ameen.

As for me, I'm tired. All the time. I have really been struggling with my depression lately. I don't know why it's gotten this bad now. It's been affecting me for over ten years now, but this year seems the worst. I've been in the hospital twice, I'm seeing my psychiatrist and therapist and really working on trying to get better, but it's tough. SubhanAllah, sometimes I feel like I'll never get better. I have to, though...for my girls.

A lot of it is about my childhood (go figure...). Freud could have written a book about me. But how do you get rid of your childhood? How do you get rid of the effects of it? And after years of trying to "leave the past in the past", how do I rehash it all now? Can't I just get better without remembering?

I've been spending more time on myself, though, alhamdulillah.

Probably the most important thing is that I'm exercising everyday and I'm eating much healthier than I have for the past year. Alhamdulillah. MashaAllah it makes me feel better. It probably even does more for me than the antidepressants, although I'm not about to stop taking my meds to find out.

I'm also TRYING not to feel guilty about taking time for myself. Alhamdulillah I went on a little road trip with a friend of mine and I only took the baby (Jayjay stayed at home with her father and with my SIL after my husband went to work). I was away the whole day, spent time with a great sister, met some other wonderful sisters, and I got to visit my old university...it doesn't get much better! And the baby was so well-behaved, mashaAllah! Everybody loved her, mashaAllah! So much that my husband lives in fear that someone will put 3in on her...oh well...reciting more Qur'an and making more dua is never bad, right!?!

There's so much more I could write, but it's 4:30 AM and about time I get to sleep...I MIGHT start using this blog more as a journal (therapist says it's good for me)...but who knows...should I really write to everyone who's interested about how messed up I am?